Tuesday, July 30, 2013

59 things tourists love about Rome

I'm heading to Johannesburg after three months in Rome and here are the things I've learned that tourists love when visiting one of the greatest cities in the world.

1.  Sleeping in the Jesuit Curia.

2.  Gelato. All tourists love gelato... All of them.

(Blessed gelato)

3.  Seeing nuns walking around like normal people.

4.  Looking like tourists

5.  Friendly nuns.

6.  Scary nuns. (click look closely)

7.  Attempting to discard of garbage in a way that would be pleasing to Pope Francis.

8.  Buying stuff from street vendors, even at political protests.

9.  Fiats.

10.  And Fiats' anti-theft systems.

11. taking pictures of disgusting stuff, just because you camera was there.

12. Buying underwear on the street.

13.  Paying 8.50 Euro for a hotdog and Coke in front of the Vatican.

14.  Photographing your lunches.

15.  Things that look like they used to maybe be important.

16.  Penis pasta.

17.  Getting lost.

18.  Drinking from the local fountains.

19.  Cannons.

20.  The Colosseum a.k.a. the gay district.

21.  Climbing on the ruins.

22.  Horse-drawn carriage tours that block traffic.

23.  Religious graffiti.

24.  Busses crowded with Jesuits.

25.  Bombs.

26.  Benny's door, which he installed to fit him and all of his Jets.

27.  Tabacchis. This giant T unlocks everything you need in Rome. Bus tickets? Smokes? Espressos? Those tiny, 5-packs of chewing gum? Yeah, just find a T and you're golden.

28.  Learning that pregnant women should not speak into microphones, eat Chicken McWraps or enjoy a Dasani...

29.  Drinking the local beer, no matter how bad it is.

30.  Paying like 30 cents less for gas behind the Vatican City walls. Tax free! (that's right, I got to hang out in VC!)

31.  Being arrested by Vatican Police. If you get cuffed and put into a Vatican cop car, you'll be sitting in the front seat, because it's a 2-seater Smart Car. Nerds.

32.  Swiss Guards

33.  Hot dogs.

34.  Going to an "authentic" Roman bar to hear people sing "Route 66" and "Blue Suede Shoes" and drink a Budweiser.

35.  Attempting to read Roman love notes all over the city.

36.  Taking a photo that you can find 5,000 different times on the Internet

37.  Taking a photo of something spectacular with your phone.

 38.  Pope Francis

39.  Security.

40.  Tour guides.

 41.  Blessings for communists.

42.  Seeing great works of art for free.

43.  Then paying to keep the lights on #42.

44. Buying little bottles of limoncello and then not declaring it at customs.

45. Maintaining your national identity.

46. Pope Shoes... Pope Benedict may be gone, but his fashion sense continues.

47.  The Vatican Seal, even if it's on a sewer or a light post, it's still cool.

48.  Posting things from a Vatican Post Office that doubles as a drug cartel mule.

49.  Cute graffiti.

50. Street performers who verbally harrass people just looking for a free show.

52.  Drinking Duff Beer. Don't ask me why this exists in real life, but it does. And it's in Rome of all places.

53. James Bond cop cars.

54. Happy communists.

55. Crappy HDR iPhone photography.

56. Eating at some place that makes you think of home. Yup, that is a Miller Light Super Bowl poster at an Italian Pizza shop. And no, they don't serve Miller Light.

57.  Eating at some place that reminds you of the Rome you've seen in the movies.

58. Taking the Metro in the wrong direction when it is about to close.

59. Drinking a beer so big it would be inappropriate if you weren't on holiday... or at Oktoberfest.

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