Thursday, October 10, 2013

Our 2013 college mascot scares the SH*T out of me, but not as much the 1955 one

Like the headline reads, our new logo for the Creighton University Bluejays could scare the blue right off a bluejay. It either didn't spend enough time in incubation, or was shoved out of the nest a little too early and is suffering from mommy problems, or perhaps he built his nest at the Fukushima power plant. Either way, our Billy Blue just went from "curmudgeon" to "out for your blood."

While I won't be buying any Creighton merchandise picturing this new SOB anytime soon, it certainly won't appear in my nightmares like this guy...

Yeah, totally crazy right? This guys used to be our mascot! He looks like the kind of mascot that got in trouble for petting bunnies to death. He looks like he has a skin disease that ruffles his feathers – a contagious one.

Whoever drew up this 1955 guy clearly didn't get the point of the assignment. Do you think the head of athletics in 1955 noticed his son had recently begun to draw? "Hey, Timmy, that's a nice attempt at a pigeon... how about you take a stab at drawing Creighton's mascot..."

This reminds me of the old 2007 White House Easter Egg contest. Every state in the country submitted a work of art from an Easter Egg. Indiana, breathtaking. Kansas and Louisiana, quaint but cute. Viginia and Vermont, detailed to the extreme. And there's Wyoming... Poor Wyoming. Did no one give you the memo, or did you never learn to read?

And that is what our old logo is - The Wyoming egg of college basketball. And trust me, you never want to be the "Wyoming" of anything in any analogy.

Yes, our new mascot is fierce. But this old guy, is bat-sh*t crazy. I wouldn't want to run into him in a dark alley. He is a bird that can't be reasoned with. Bring back the old mascot! Because the 1955 Billy Blue, like the Wu Tang Clan, ain't nuthin' to f*** with.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Little Monsters (sorry, Lady Gaga)

So I've spent hundreds of dollars learning French since I've been in Johannesburg. So you would think after my classes at night I'd be practicing my flash cards. Well, instead I've been drawing monsters. I mean, I've been drawing les petits monstres.

James has a tail like the Cowardly Lion and has a nose that keeps growing. He got tested for cancer, and while they did find a tumor, it is benign. He enters the Kansas State Fair pie contest every year. He always places, but this strawberry rhubarb pie in the picture is his best yet. He works as an out-of-court litigator during the day and builds forts with his kids at night. He only has one tattoo and his wife doesn't like it. When she drinks too much she gets a little jealous of James' relationship with his mother. He always reminds her that he got it before they met. It's a sore issue, but they love each other.

Frank doesn't have any arms, which surprisingly hasn't kept him from fulfilling his dream as a small business owner. He invents different flavors of ice cream for his small shop in downtown Buffalo, New York. While most people bypass the city on their way to Niagara Falls, he is saving up to put up what he calls a "Bill Board Blitz." He got the idea when crossing South Dakota and was in awe of the Wall Drug advertising campaign. If you visit his shop you can see the special cooking utensils his brother-in-law built for Frank's special needs.

This is Jeanie, doing a curtsy. She is a stage performer at the University of Indiana where she majors in Basque Literature. She dyed a streak of her hair blue after breaking up with her live-in boyfriend in an attempt to reclaim her personal identity. I think it's working.