Your life must be so good

Whenever I meet new people, I am hell-bent on finding common ground. Whether it's a rooftop party in New Delhi or an NGO meeting, or a wedding, or a trip to the field, I am always looking for some sameness to connect me with who I'm talking to. That's how we all make new friends, I guess, so it's nothing special.

So I was laughing and eating cake with two girls around my age on the balcony of the JRS tailoring center on the outskirts of New Delhi. They are refugees from Burma's Chin State. And they dress like me and speak good English and we were talking about Christmas (Chin people are Christians while most of the rest of Burma is Buddhist). We were laughing about roommates and talking about homesickness.

Then they asked me about my job. I told them I am only in India a little while because I have to travel a lot for work. But I get to go home for a short time and see my family.

Then silence.

"Your life must be so good," one said.

I didn't know how to respond. All of our sameness was gone for a moment. Didi and her friend were back to being refugees, living with seven people in a studio apartment, unable to find a living wage, subject to harassment. Not eligible for resettlement, unable to go back to Burma.

"I'm lucky," I said. 

And I forget that a lot. 

The moment passed. and we went on talking and laughing. We had lunch and they took me to a Burmese grocery store to get Burmese tea leaf salad (pretty much my favorite food in Asia to date), and exchanged numbers and Facebook information.

I think I just need to remember that while always looking for common ground, I need to recognize the differences that make the people around me exceptional and realize that my own privilege plays a role in my relationships. It doesn't mean that I can't be friends with everyone. I just need to be aware, and eternally grateful.